Tag Archives: Hertfordshire

Improving Interpersonal Skills

When interacting with others, you are using interpersonal skills. Throughout your life, you have been developing these skills with varying degrees of success. Sometimes, connecting and communicating effectively with others feels effortless and natural. However, there are moments when you might feel like a stranger from another world, struggling to express your thoughts and intentions clearly. It may be time to enhance your interpersonal skills if you often feel awkward, out of control, or completely lost during interactions.

Strong interpersonal skills are essential if you want to make a positive impression, appear knowledgeable, exude confidence, or build genuine connections with others.

NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) offers specific techniques that can help you improve your interpersonal skills. For example:

Matching and Mirroring – This is the process of using your physiology, voice, and words to create similarity with the person you are communicating with. People tend to like those who are like themselves, and when you observe individuals who have a good rapport, you’ll notice they seem to “speak the same language” or move in sync. This usually happens unconsciously, but you can learn to use these processes to your advantage by understanding how these processes work.

Satir Categories – These refer to the natural physiological poses you adopt during communication. You may have noticed that some people use their hands a lot when they speak, but what messages are your gestures and posture sending to those you’re talking to? Others will often respond to you in ways that align with the unconscious signals you’re giving off. For example, you can expect others to react defensively if you appear aggressive.

Eliminating Significant Emotional Incidents – Past experiences that have negatively impacted your confidence can influence your behaviour. For instance, being humiliated by a teacher at school might lead to feeling uneasy around authority figures later in life. This can create challenges when you need to communicate confidently with your boss or others in positions of authority. NLP provides techniques to help you reframe old events, allowing you to change your emotional response to those memories and move forward with greater confidence.

By Gemma Bailey
www.hypnotherapyandnlp.co.uk

Understanding Insomnia

I came across an interesting story about the clinical hypnotherapist Milton Erickson, who once treated a patient struggling with sleep. Instead of lying awake tossing and turning for hours, Erickson advised the patient to get up and polish his kitchen floor until he was exhausted. Surprisingly, after a couple of nights of this unusual routine, the patient could quickly reprogram himself to fall asleep to avoid another night of cleaning.

Insomnia can manifest differently for each individual. Some people struggle to fall asleep initially, while others wake up too early and can’t drift back off. Some may sleep for many hours but still wake up feeling exhausted despite getting what seems like enough rest.

There are several practical points to consider when working with someone who has trouble sleeping.

Firstly, is the patient exercising enough? Regular exercise is a healthy way to burn off any excess if the body is overly energised or full of adrenaline.

Adrenaline can also be produced by stress, so what is causing the patient stress? Is it something at work, or perhaps a problematic relationship? They might be worrying about money, their health, or even their inability to sleep. Ironically, worrying about not sleeping can create a vicious cycle, further disrupting their sleep patterns.

Do they have a bedtime routine? This idea may be better suited to children, but the body thrives on repetition. Going to bed and waking up at similar times each day helps regulate your internal clock. If you’ve ever experienced jet lag, you’ll know how much your body and sleep routine suffer from a sudden change in time zones.

Are there any chemical factors at play? For example, is the patient taking any medication, drinking alcohol, or consuming stimulants like coffee?

Several subtle changes can be made to combat insomnia and address the abovementioned issues. Additionally, mastering relaxation techniques can be incredibly beneficial (many people don’t realise they don’t know how to relax properly!). Relaxation helps to ease tension in both the mind and body. When someone is stressed, their mind is racing with thoughts, and their muscles are tightly wound. In such a state, falling asleep becomes difficult, if not impossible. Learning hypnosis or meditation is a simple and effective way to achieve deep relaxation for the mind and body. Moreover, while in a hypnotic state, it’s possible to provide suggestions for deep, easy, and quick relaxation, which are more readily accepted by the subconscious mind compared to when in a normal waking state.

By Gemma Bailey
www.hypnotherapyandnlp.co.uk

Relaxation Technique for Stress Relief

In our fast-paced world, it’s common to find ourselves caught in a never-ending cycle of stress. The hustle and bustle of daily life triggers physical reactions in our bodies, releasing adrenaline during tense moments that we struggle to shake off. This excess adrenaline lingers in our system, becoming a toxic force that worsens our focus, shortens our patience, disrupts our sleep, and hampers our efficiency. This is what we refer to as stress. While a certain stress level is necessary for optimal performance, learning how to manage it effectively is essential.

Employers face a significant challenge with stress, leading to high sick leave rates. By offering support programmes, companies can address stress early on and help employees develop effective coping strategies to keep it under control.

On a personal level, stress often leaves you feeling tense and exhausted. Until you’ve booked your hypnotherapy session, why not try this simple relaxation technique? It will help you feel much more relaxed and only takes a few minutes.

1) Make yourself comfortable, ideally somewhere quiet, where you can close your eyes for a few moments.

2) Sit back and begin to focus on your breathing. With each outward breath, think of the word “calm.” If you know your heartbeat, imagine it becoming safely slow and steady. Do this for 2 or 3 minutes.

3) Picture a calming, gentle light—whatever colour represents calm to you is the right one—and imagine the light slowly moving through your body. It will relax every part of your body as it flows through you while you continue your slow outward breaths, steady and rhythmic, echoing the word “calm” in your mind.

4) Move the light up, down, and through your body several times until every muscle and limb feels completely relaxed.

5) Take some deep, refreshing breaths, imagining the air as crisp and fresh, gently revitalising.

6) Open your eyes and think of the positive things you have and will achieve in your day.

Discover the power of NLP and Hypnotherapy for stress relief by scheduling a complimentary initial coaching consultation here: https://peoplebuilding.youcanbook.me.

by Gemma Bailey

www.HypnotherapyandNLP.co.uk

Trauma Victims

A person who has experienced a trauma is often in a victim state. This is because the incident gave them limited choices in the responses they could formulate at that particular time. They probably felt the circumstances were out of their control or perhaps trapped or in danger.

It is essential to highlight that these suggestions will only work for those whose trauma is in the past and is over. For those still living in a traumatic situation, a slightly different approach must be taken to help support that person in making new decisions about how to react in that situation now and in the future.

The trauma victim must be able to feel safe and secure at any time during the work you do together. This is because of the risk of abreaction during your therapeutic processes. A resource anchor can effectively get the client into a positive and resourceful state quickly and easily. However, you must be sure that the intensity of the resource anchor is significantly more potent than any potential traumatic emotion that might show up during the sessions you have together.

It is crucial to encourage the client to understand their role in shaping their thoughts and emotions. Recognise that the unfortunate event took place in the past and was indeed very distressing. It’s important to realise that the event itself is over, and what remains is the memory of it impacting the nervous system. The client is now perpetuating these thoughts and emotions rather than being controlled by external forces.

Alongside this crucial aspect, conveying your message with sensitivity is essential, ensuring that the client doesn’t feel blamed for their thoughts and emotions. This approach is counterproductive. Instead, focus on empowering language, emphasising concepts like “taking control now” and “choosing which emotions to embrace and when to experience them.”

Some therapists possess a unique X factor beyond NLP or Hypnosis training. It’s the ability to shift someone’s perspective completely with a simple reframe. Have you ever experienced that “Aha!” moment when your whole thinking changes in an instant? It’s a powerful skill, but it must be used wisely and with the client’s comfort in mind.

I recall working with a man who had suffered abuse as a child from another child. He often expressed his hatred for the abuser and how they had ruined his life. I tried to help him see the abuser in a different light, but it only made him more convinced of their evilness. When I asked him who he thought was abusing the abuser, he was shocked and defensive. However, after sharing some facts about abused children becoming abusers, it started to shift his perspective.

Hypnosis offers numerous advantages for addressing trauma. One effective method is regression, which allows clients to uncover details about their traumatic experiences that they may have overlooked. This newfound awareness can provide a fresh perspective when recalling the event in the future and allows for the possibility of re-experiencing the situation more constructively—expressing thoughts or actions that could have transformed the event into a less painful memory.

Additionally, hypnosis plays a crucial role in fostering tranquillity and alleviating the negative emotions tied to past experiences. This process also opens the door to instilling positive affirmations that clients can draw upon later. Clients need to practice these new positive tools. When they realise that the trauma belongs to the past and now only resides in their minds, it brings a sense of relief. However, it’s important to acknowledge that similar events may arise in their lives again. Clients must feel assured that they can approach any future trauma differently in a way that empowers them rather than re-traumatises them. This transformation can also occur during hypnosis.

By Gemma Bailey
www.hypnotherapyandnlp.co.uk

Juggling Work and Life: Finding the Right Balance

Striking a work-life balance means not letting work consume you to the point where you forget to enjoy life’s precious moments. It’s about creating memories and having fun that truly enriches your life. (For further mental health-funded support in this area, please book a free consultation here: https://peoplebuilding.co.uk/landing-page/ )

Just as our emotions offer us a spectrum of light and shade, work, whilst often being considered the last place we want to be, offers us structure, challenges and learning opportunities that we might not get if we were on a permanent holiday.

Ultimately, the work-life balance has to be tailored to meet individuals. If you have a very stressful job, getting the right amount of time away is important to maintain your well-being. However, very monotonous jobs can create stress of a different kind.

Developing a routine can be helpful to create a pattern so that at least that way your body will learn to tolerate the stresses until the relaxation time comes. The challenge with this is if you go from high stress to total relaxation it can at times put your body into a kind of shock.

Have you ever had the experience of working hard, then taking a holiday where within a few days you become ill? You spend the whole holiday feeling rough and recovering. Then by the time you are better, it’s time to return to work!

This happens when you’re body isn’t used to the opportunity of unwinding. Instead of unwinding you crash, beyond ruining your holiday. It’s also a message that you need to have more downtime more often. The question is “Can you make that a priority with the way you currently live your life?”. Exercising your relaxation “muscles” will mean that when you next come to do it, you won’t have a health breakdown.

Taking a holiday may not be financially or practically viable, but you can still start to give yourself an escape from the rat race in your normal life once you learn how to do it.

Meditation or yoga can be great ways to take time out and put your focus inward, instead of outward on all of the tasks you need to complete at work and in life.

A session of hypnosis at The Hypnotherapy and NLP Clinic in Hertfordshire could help kick start the learning you need to focus on skills such as hypnotherapy and meditation.

In addition, If you’re seeking guidance to better navigate your situation, thoughts, or feelings, we can arrange for 10 coaching sessions tailored just for you. In many cases, this support comes at no expense to you. Schedule a consultation to learn more at https://www.peoplebuilding.co.uk/landing-page

By regularly taking focused time to relax, even from the most stressful jobs, you increase your chances of having “stress spikes” in your well-being. Meaning that when you are active you are energised with a clear mind and working dynamically rather than freaking out. Then when you are relaxing you are at peace and calm without having a health crash from the fall of a stress spike.

By Gemma Bailey
www.HypnotherapyandNLP.co.uk

Are You Fulfilling Your Purpose?

With our hectic schedules, it’s easy to lose sight of our true selves and desires while focusing on daily tasks. Our brains can only process a limited amount of sensory data at once, yet we are constantly bombarded with stimuli.

How is it possible to have any room left for creativity?
For exploration?
For connections?

Your existence isn’t meant to be robotic. If you sense a purpose within you, it’s essential to strive towards fulfilling it as effectively as possible. Otherwise, life has a knack for presenting you with obstacles until you do. Fulfilling your purpose can be viewed as a form of problem-solving. The distinction lies in whether it’s a pursuit that excites and motivates you. Conversely, if it’s a problem imposed by life to keep you on track, it’s unlikely to bring a sense of fulfilment.

Another challenge is when someone doesn’t actually really know what their “purpose” is. Do you remember meeting with your careers advisor at school (if you were lucky enough to have one!). It’s a little sad that they tended to advise you based on your predicted grades and other people’s expectation of your abilities. These well-meaning misdirections can set people on the wrong path for years maybe until they feel worn down and do not know why.

In NLP, there is a set of questions called ‘Milton Model questions’, that we use sometimes to help develop more abstract ideas or bigger-picture thinking. The questions come from observations of Milton Erickson who was the foremost hypnotist of our time. He was largely responsible for bringing hypnosis into the clinical world.

The questions are used in several ways within NLP and Hypnotherapy, not least for creating trance-like states and helping to chunk information together at differing levels of abstraction.

The questions we use to chunk up towards more global, bigger-picture ideas are:

For what purpose?
What is your (higher) intention?
And you could also ask: Above and beyond that, what does it do for you?

It’s useful to use these questions therapeutically to understand what more positive intentions might be driving a seemingly negative or unwanted behaviour. For example:

Smoking
(for what purpose): Relieve stress
(what is your higher intention in that?): To relax
(above and beyond relaxation, what does it do for you?): Peace

If someone wants to quit smoking, it’s not just about stopping that habit, it’s also about addressing their need for peace in a more healthy way (if indeed peace is what smoking does for them. The responses would differ for different people.)

So what happens if we chunk up on you?

If you use those same questions on you what is your higher purpose?
Is what you are doing in life now in alignment with that purpose? If not, what would be?

A process like this is just the first step that The Hypnotherapy and NLP Clinic in Hertfordshire can offer you to help you find yourself once again and reclaim your true identity.

By Gemma Bailey
www.HypnotherapyandNLP.co.uk

Dealing with Lemons

I remember when I first started to learn about NLP and Hypnotherapy. There seemed to be a type of person that would often be attracted to these subjects. I might be wrong, but I don’t think I was one of them. I (like to) think I came at it (the subjects of NLP and Hypnotherapy) in a part academic way and a part business-minded way. But some were from the school of positive thinking.

Now don’t get me wrong. Thinking positively is a good thing. But I’m talking about the über, unnaturally positive thinkers. The people who seemed to have almost lost empathy for real challenges that people faced because they were so quick to “re-frame” someone’s tragic experience in a positive way.

So when I talk below, about how to deal with lemons, I don’t mean to the detriment of empathy and being realistic about your circumstances. I also do not mean that the people who are über positive positive thinkers are lemons! The lemons are the challenging situation that life throws at us, unexpectedly at a point in time when the last thing we needed was a sodding lemon.

What we’re going to establish is how to take those lemons and make lemon drizzle cake from the rind, lemonade from the juice and grow the seeds into lemon trees that become the biggest income generator on our lemon farm. Such that within a short period of time, you switch from thinking “those sodding lemons” to thank goodness that life came along with that lemon once upon a time.

The Hypnotherapy and NLP Clinic which is based in Hertfordshire uses many different methodologies from NLP, Hypnotherapy, CBT and even EFT to help clients to be able to see difficult or stressful circumstances from a more positive perspective, without forgetting to listen to why the problem is a problem for you first.

This is a form of re-framing that you can apply to any kind of problem or challenge without dismissing the difficulty of ‘the lemon’.

There are probably many other questions you can ask to make lemonade from a lemon, but these are some that come to mind for me.

What is something good to come from this that we have not thought about yet?
What can you learn from this experience? What is a more balanced viewpoint?
How will this scenario make you stronger?
You don’t know what the silver lining is, but trust that one day you will look back at this situation and will realise why this event was important. How can this situation help you?
How could this situation be helpful to others?
What, more negative situations, could this scenario potentially have prevented?
How can you see this negative scenario as an opportunity?

If you chose to use these questions with someone other than yourself, make sure first to make that assessment of how much ‘tea and sympathy’ they might need first, before you jump in with the questions above. Be sensitive to their current emotions by letting them know that they are heard. Give them enough time to say what they want to say if indeed they want to say something. Acknowledge their pain, struggle and their difficulty so you start on the page they are currently on. Then once you have got that rapport, you can start making lemonade.

By Gemma Bailey
www.HypnotherapyandNLP.co.uk

Overcome Allergies in Hertfordshire

How often do we accept a label and fully live up to it? The answer may be many more times than we should. The challenge that we have as human beings is that we have used words to identify things, but the words are never fully reflective of the true experience.

For example, let’s say you go to the doctor one summer’s day because your eyes are sore and your nose is runny. The likely hood is that your doctor, whom you respect and trust will apply a label to your symptoms, in an effort to provide an explanation of your experience so that it can then be treated.

So your doctor tells you, have hay fever. From that Summer onwards you grow to expect your hay fever visitor. You know how you will feel, what your symptoms will be when they will start when they will stop. You even compare your suffering with other sufferers, to compete against who suffers the most!

When do you know to stop being a hay fever sufferer- how do you know that you haven’t grown out of it? Could your expectation of it be the sole reason that it is continually re-created?

How about stress? Is that a factor for allergy sufferers? For many asthmatics eczema and psoriasis sufferers it is a deciding factor in the severity of the condition.

So how can NLP and hypnosis in Hertfordshire help?

Well as we know one of the major frames of NLP is the cause-and-effect frame. This moves the client out of “I suffer” and into “I create.” This in itself may not be enough to stop the allergic reaction but does at least get the client away from relying on a treatment for the problem and looking more towards how they continue to cause it. Perhaps they can begin to notice how their diet affects their level of resistance or look for homoeopathic and natural remedies to counteract the symptoms.

For those whose Symptoms are aggravated by stress, Hypnosis is especially beneficial for creating relaxation and relieving tension and suggestions for healing can be given to the patient.

“I think it is unconscious changes that have made the impact.”

By Gemma Bailey
www.HypnotherapyandNLP.co.uk

Using NLP to Improve Confidence

As the cost of living has increased, the pressures to work harder smarter and faster have increased. It is rarely a surprise to me to have clients who are struggling with their levels of confidence despite having what could be perceived as very successful lives. Solicitors, CEO’s and managing directors have regularly graced my doorstep, feeling that they are unable to measure up to the aggressive demands placed upon them.

Many who are in powerful roles find that they are simply crumbling under the strain, I see this quite a lot in my therapy clinic in Hemel Hempstead. They have been educated at the very best universities and colleges, obtaining firsts in their degrees, withstood enormous pressure during exams and completing coursework, and then later discover that they have never learnt how to be confident or how to assert themselves. The negative self-defeating thoughts begin and slowly but surely the problem begins to spiral.

The steps I take with a client with confidence problems are generally similar- there is information they can all benefit from knowing about. The NLP communication model is always a great starting point as I usually find that there are some negative self-talk or disempowering “movies” that the client runs in their mind.

I also talk to them about creating and building rapport, so that in situations where they need to be confident, they are first comfortable that they have a connection with those that they are communicating with. Confidence tends to be less of an issue with those who do not have to communicate with others; it is generally the communication itself that shows up the confidence issues. I always have them guess the most powerful way in which they communicate – is it in the words they use, their tone of voice or their physiology?

Many of them are startled by the results of how people communicate in congruence with each other. At this point, the mind and body links become apparent. They begin to realise what signals others have been picking up from them and how their thoughts have harmed the way that they are feeling. I might give some information about sensory predicates and how we live in sensory systems. This can be beneficial to know because again, the client will feel more comfortable and confident if they know how to communicate with others by “speaking in the language” that the listener likes to hear.

During the consultation, I asked lots of questions, and during this time, I have a great opportunity to observe how a person who lacks confidence is using their body. If I find that they are slumped in the chair, shallow breathing, looking down, then later, I will point this out to them. I will begin to shape their physiology into that of someone confident. Then I will introduce them to the Satir categories- a set of “personality types” identified by family therapist Virginia Satir, and have them try out the different physiologies that go with these.

What they will notice is that by trying out the physiology, their energy shifts into the emotions and feelings associated with that physiology. They can then begin to practice communicating in the more powerful physiologies to get their bodies and mind better aligned to powerful and confident feelings. I often notice that people, who are not in a confident zone, have their bodies in a “placator” physiology. This gives off signals such as “I don’t know” or “I’m sorry” and “I can’t help it.”And their energy will be here too.

These are the basics that I always cover, and there are many other NLP techniques to advance the client’s confidence further. A Swish Pattern, for example, will deal with confidence issues that occur in a specific context, a New Orleans flexibility Drill can help overcome anxieties related to a particular person and a resource anchor can give a much-needed boost of positive emotions that can be triggered whenever the client wants to tap into them.

“I have found myself getting less worked up and am therefore more confident.”

By Gemma Bailey
www.hypnotherapyandnlp.co.uk

For further treatment suggestions, click here.

To view Qualifications and Registered Body details, click here.

For inspiration by email, please click here

For Hypnotherapy and NLP Scripts, Ebooks and MP3’s, click here

New Year, New Rules!

The ‘rule’ of the rules is to make them not scary and to avoid creating rules that you’re going to dislike putting in place. They need to be rules that you can enjoy enforcing. There may be some rules that are less easy to enforce than others. For example, if I’ve decided as I have in the past that I’m going to go to the gym X amount of times per week. Then I know that that’s a rule that I’m going to have challenges with because that’s a rule that I’ve had challenges with in the past!

However, if I phrase that rule slightly differently then all of a sudden it becomes a lot more attractive, a lot more appealing, and certainly much more realistic of my expectations and my ability. For example, instead of saying ‘I will go to the gym three times a week’, instead, my rule is: You are going to enjoy taking care of yourself and having a physically fit body.

That rule seems much more appealing to me and I think the reason is that I don’t feel like I’m tying myself into a contract where I have to go three times a week and beat myself up if I don’t.

The mental image I make when I say to myself that I’m going to take care of myself and have a physically fit body is a much more serene-looking image. It’s me looking fit, looking like I’m enjoying myself, moving my body in a way that really appeals to me. NLP can help motivate you to exercise and hypnotherapy from a specialist in Hertfordshire, North London can help too.

So simply by rephrasing the rule, I’ve given it much more appeal and it means that in my imagination I get a different sense of it. The sense is that it’s going to be much more consistent and much more enjoyable to me.

Here are some rules that you might like to use that I’ve already reframed for you so that they’re set up in the best possible way:

If you ever had a rule about your health in the past that you did not stick to, it may just be a case of reframing or restating that rule in a way to makes it more appealing to your unconscious mind. As an example: I will stop eating junk food and stick to a healthy diet.

Notice what mental imagery you create, what picture springs to mind when I say to you: ‘I will stop eating junk food and stick to a healthy diet’. The image I get is me sitting at the kitchen table with a stick of celery looking unimpressed.

So, a better rule could be: I’m going to get my body to the healthiest possible state by having a balanced varied diet.

Doesn’t that sound so much better? It doesn’t sound as painful. It doesn’t sound as if you’re missing out and this is an important thing with diets guys I’m just going to say this quickly is one of the challenges with diets is that firstly, it presupposes that you’re going to be missing out on certain things.

Visit an NLP therapist in North London or Hertfordshire for a free consultation to discover how they can help motivate you to exercise and live a healthier life.

If you’ve ever had the experience in the past of being told that you can’t have something, doesn’t it make you want to even more?

A challenge with dieting is that you are stopping an old way of eating in favour of going for a new way of eating and then once you’ve lost the weight, probably stopping that way of eating and trying then to go through the transition of having a normal balanced diet so you go through at least two transitions. You go from where you are now into diet mode and then from diet mode back into normal mode once you’ve lost the weight.

How about you just have a healthy life instead? That’s only one transition. You only have to do that once. You have to change once, so if you can say to yourself that you’re going to have a varied and balanced diet, getting your body into the healthiest possible state, then you’ve only got one thing that you need to change and one thing that you need to stick to and you do that for the rest of your life.

Now when I say it’s the rest of your life you don’t have to freak out about that because remember it’s a balanced and varied diet, which means that you can still have a takeaway. You can have chocolate. You can have those foods that you enjoy for all the wrong reasons. You just need to do it in a balanced way.

Hypnotherapy can provide you with the commitment and willpower to be able to stick to a diet in the future. Speak to the Hypnotherapy and NLP clinic for more information.

By Gemma Bailey
www.hypnotherapyandnlp.co.uk